Princes Familiar
by The Spiffinator
Summary: Alize is not your average damsel in distress. Then again, Sirius isn't exactly the typical knight in shining armor, either. SBOC. Give it a chance before you pronounce her a Mary Sue. MWPP Era.
1. Please Be Tapped Into Your Femininity

**Hello all! This is a valiant attempt at a comedy by The Spiffinator. I'm also trying to make a love interest for Sirius that is neither a Mary-Sue, nor friends with Lily. Please tell me if I've succeeded in a review!**

**Also, each chapter (and I really intend to finish this one) will be named after the line from an Alanis Morisette song called Princes Familiar. Several of the lines fit this story, which is why I'm using them. They're not necessarily in order of the way they go in the song, though. Each chapter begins with a quote from the song, in italics.**

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own here is Alize.**

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_Please be tapped into your femininity_

Alize Faustine lounged lazily in the Gryffindor common room. She should be studying, she should be writing that Charms essay, she should be doing a thousand things, and yet here she was, draped across a couch, prodding a quill with her wand in a feeble attempt to turn it scarlet.

Alize was a seventh year Gryffindor girl. She was always down here, in the commons, because she simply couldn't stand it up in her dormitory. The girls were too girly. They were always talking about pimple-curing potions, magical remedies for breaking a nail, and the best color stilettos to match that particular pink miniskirt. Well, she was generalizing, they weren't all like that. Lily Evans and her friend, Alice Prewett, certainly weren't, but they were far too nice for Alize. They seemed too compassionate, too friendly, and they made Alize feel guilty for not being just as nice as they were. So, she ignored them, justlike she ignored all her problems.

Alize wasn't like them or the rest of the seventh years. Alize, first off, was two metres tall. She was very athletic, and extremely strong. The girls wore grey pleated skirts with their Hogwarts uniforms, but in first year, Alize had shown up in a pair of the tan slacks that the boys wore. No one said a word after a challenging stare from her, not even the professors. Once, back in third year, an attractive Gryffindor boy whose nameshe had forgottenhad asked her to Hogsmeade.

She supposed he was out of the hospital wing by now.

Alize's appearance, other than her height, was quite pretty, which was why the poor fellow had asked her in the first place. At her mother's pleas, Alize had let her chocolate brown hair grow to about her shoulders. It was, she supposed, her end of the unspoken bargain they'd made about the slacks. Alize also had almond-shaped hazel eyes that leaned more towards green than brown. Her skin was a gorgeous olive, and had she been a slight bit more approachable, she would have been the female equivalent of Sirius Black.

Speaking of Sirius Black, his overly loud voice was drifting down the stairs that came from the men's dormitories. Alize turned her head slowly, just in time to see Remus Lupin, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew forcing Sirius down the stairs. The four of them were the best of friends, always playing pranks. At first, Alize had found them quite funny. One day, however, Sirius had been stupid enough to charm her hair pink. Since then, she had done all she could to piss him off, which seemed to be quite a lot. Unfortunately, he knew all of the right buttons to push to piss her off too, and so they were the banes of each other's existences.

As soon as she caught sight of the boy being drug down the stairs, she threw back her head and let out a great shout of laughter. Probably a direct result of losing some bet, Sirius was wearing a bright pink tutu, and his hair was pinned up in a lovely little bow. James' girlfriend, Lily, was chasing after the boys with a brush and a few more bows; the hairstyle was obviously her handiwork and Alize would have to compliment her later. Sirius glared daggers at all his friends, and when he saw that Alize was among the laughing Gryffindors, his scowl grew bigger, knowing that she'd take the mickey out of him for this later.

"Come on, Padfoot, smile pretty now!" called Remus, as Lily handed him a tube of bright red lipstick. Sirius shouted in protest at this. "For the love of Merlin, no! Not LIPSTICK! That was NOT in the bargain!" Peter shook his head. "Padfoot, you said that if you couldn't get McGonagall to curse at you that we could dress you up however we wanted, and you failed. We chose ballerina. Now, listen to Moony and smile pretty!" Sirius put on a huge fake smile and flipped a rude hand gesture at his friends.

The Gryffindors laughed louder. Alize felt that this was her time to throw salt into the wound, and rose from her chair. "Come on, now, Black. You are a ballerina, give us a little show, won't you, darling? How about a dance and a rousing chorus of 'I feel pretty'?" Instead of letting her get the best of him, Sirius smirked and replied, "Only if you do it with me, Faustine." Alize didn't even show her surprise, but instead grinned mischievously and replied, "All right then, but only if you hold your skirts. Wouldn't want you to trip, Miss Black."

Remus, James, and Peter let go of their captive friend, and Alize extended her arm. Sirius took it in a ladylike manner, glaring at her, and they began to skip around the common room, singing loudly and off-key.

"I feel pretty, oh-so-pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and briiiiiiiiiight! And I pity, any girl, that isn't me, toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!"

Alize smirked. Even though she was dancing about in the common room with the world's biggest prat, at least she was enjoying herself, and singing about the right gender. He was dressed up in a bloody tutu, with pink frilly bows in his hair and red lipstick all over his face.

_'Heh. Black-0, Alize-1,'_ she thought confidently.


	2. Please Be Self Absorbed Much

**Whee! Chapter two, lords and ladies. Even if I haven't got any reviews for Ch 1 by the time I finish this, I'm posting it anyway! **

**Sorry it's so short, I haven't got too much time…Which is why I posted two chappies at once!**

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_Please be self-absorbed much (not the good kind)_

Alize sat up in her four-poster and stretched, yawning. She pulled the curtains around her bed back. Sunlight flooded her vision, and the wristwatch on her bedside table screamed in a high-pitched voice only she could hear: "Up! Up! 7 AM, time to get UP!" Alize snarled at the wristwatch, pushing the button to shut it up as she pulled herself out of bed. Dragging herself to the bathroom, she laughed quietly at the girly-girls, for they were all sleeping with enchanted cucumber slices over their eyes.

Fifteen minutes and a shower later, Alize was dressed and much more awake. Grabbing her schoolbag, she threw the dormitory door open, much to the protesting of the previously sleeping girls. Alize ignored their squawks and stomped over to the portrait hole. The crowds of students lounging in there parted for her; no one was stupid enough to bother Alize before at least 7:45.

Except, perhaps, Sirius Black, who was stupid enough to do nearly anything. He sauntered over to the hole before she could get out, leaning up against the door. A smirk spread across his face as she snarled at him. "Good morning, doll. Don't you seem chipper on this fine Monday?"

"Bugger off, Black, before I hex you into next week," Alize spat, drawing her wand.

Sirius tutted at her, slipping an arm around her shoulders because he _knew_ how much it bothered her. "Such language isn't appropriate for young ladies, Miss Faustine. While wonderful young gentlemen such as myself may use those words, they are simply vile coming from your innocent mouth." Alize shoved his arm off of her and held up a fist threateningly. Sirius merely gave her a smug smile. "Go ahead and try to hit me, I'm sure you hit like the girl you are."

Alize's response to this was to punch as hard as she could at Sirius' stomach, but he stepped aside at just the right moment, leaving her off balance. He caught her around the middle, then leaned over to whisper in her ear. They were so close; she could feel his breath tickling her as he whispered, "Come on now, sweetheart. If you were just a bit more ladylike, I might do you the honour of going to Hogsmeade with you."

Alize drove her elbow into his stomach, throwing him off her in surprise. As he held his stomach in pain, she announced loudly, "Black, I wouldn't go anywhere with you if the choice was between you and the giant squid!" Standing up, Sirius smirked cockily as he replied, "Ah, but that's what Lily said to James, and now look at them, snogging left, right, and centre. Perhaps the giant squid is girl code for 'meet me at eight behind that statue of Barnaby on the fourth floor for a snog session', eh Faustine?" Alize, too incensed to come up with a comeback, pushed past Sirius and stormed out to breakfast.

'_1 all, now. Stupid bugger. Girl code for wanting a snog indeed! He's not even nearly as attractive as he thinks he is,'_ Alize thought angrily to herself.


	3. Please Be a Sexaholic

**Chapter three, now! Maybe I actually will finish this one. It's planned to be seven chapters, by the way.**

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_Please be a sexaholic_

Alize's terrible morning developed into a terrible day. She'd arrived in the Great Hall to find that all of her favourite chocolate chip scones were gone. She'd had to settle for blueberry, which weren't nearly as good. Then, she'd been late to class after leaving her bag in the Great Hall. This had gotten her a detention from McGonagall. Her next class, Charms, passed without major incident, but at lunch, Sirius had put pudding in her hair, and he'd jumped up and down on her last nerve in Potions by "accidentally" spilling her potion all over the floor.

Needless to say, Alize was _not_ a very happy Gryffindor, and rather resembled the lion mascot of her house by the time classes were out for the day. She stormed off to dinner, late after cleaning up the spilled potion with no help from Sirius, and managed to throw down a bit of turkey before she had to report to her detention. On her way out of the hall, Sirius had the audacity to throw a dungbomb at her.

At this point, Alize was so angry that she was calm. As terrifying as Alize was when she was screaming and cursing and hexing you, she was far more terrifying when she was calm. Alize turned around very slowly. Sirius, ready for magical or verbal curses, was unnerved by the silence that dropped across the previously-laughing hall when she turned. Her hazel eyes burned with a fire he'd never even seen Lily direct at James. "Sirius Black, I hate you. You've ruined my day and I swear to Merlin you will pay for this tenfold," she stated in a deadly calm voice. Sirius was actually quite afraid at this point. Alize quickly used a cleaning spell on herself as she stormed out of the Hall.

On her way back from the detention from Hell, Alize heard loud noises coming from a broom cupboard not too far away. She leaned up against the door for a moment, which was long enough to hear two people trying to suck each other's faces off. A hellion grin crossed her face; she'd had a bad enough day to get some vindictive pleasure out of this.

Alize pulled the door open. Inside were Sirius Black and a blonde, ditzy Hufflepuff whose name escaped her. Alize's smile grew wider as she cleared her throat. They instantly broke apart. "Sorry to break up your snogfest, but Filch is coming and I think you'd rather have me break you two up than him. Now that I see that it's Black, however, I should have left you two, eh?"

At the sound of Filch's heavy footsteps coming around the corner, the Hufflepuff lost her head completely and ran. Sirius pulled Alize into the closet with him, as he hissed, "Quick, in here!" Alize gave him a mutinous stare once the door was closed. "What on earth makes you think I'd want to be in a broom closet with _you_, Black?" she spat softly. "Would you rather be caught by Filch?" he replied. "Act—"

Before Alize could reply, the door was flung open. "Aww, now, look at the little lovebirds! I see you two are both Gryffindors, I'll be taking you straight to McGonagall. She won't be too pleased that two of her students were being naughty, and after hours, too! Not at all…" said Filch with a sadistic grin as he pulled them out of the broom closet. "Come on them, you're coming with me, missy and mister." Alize stammered a protest. "B-but, Mr. Filch! I-I wasn't snogging _him_! I'd never snog him!" Filch turned around to laugh at her. "Well, what were you doing, then, practicing Quidditch?" "Well, we _were_ in a broom cupboard," Sirius replied. Filch just snarled as he dragged them to the office of their head of house.

McGonagall opened the door with an irritable look on her face; she'd obviously been doing something important. Filch shoved Alize and Sirius in front of him. "Caught these two in a broom cupboard, Professor," he said, giving her a knowing look.

Unfortunately for the pair of them, they both looked like they'd been snogging. Alize's detention had involved lots of moving books around for McGonagall, and Sirius actually had been snogging, so McGonagall did not have a hard time believing Filch. "_Separate_ detentions!" she ordered with a steely glint in her eye.

As they left the office, thoroughly chastised, Alize turned to Sirius with barely-restrained tears of frustration making her eyes glitter unnaturally. "I _HATE_ you, Sirius Black. I really, really do!" with that, the usually strong and fierce Alize ran off in the opposite direction, and Sirius was almost convinced he could hear a sob.

Sirius continued his walk to Gryffindor Tower, one hand behind his head and a strangely unpleasant feeling in the bottom of his stomach. _'You should have stood up for her! Even if it hadn't done any good, it would have been the decent thing to do after ruining her day!' _a voice chided him. It sounded so much like Remus that he actually looked around him before deciding that he was hearing things.

Alize was indeed sobbing, hidden in one of the secret passages. She was fully aware that with the luck she'd had today, she would probably be caught and assigned yet another detention on her way back to Gryffindor Tower, but she didn't really care at this point.

'_He probably won this time, but I don't even want to keep score any more! That horrible bastard ruined my day! I **hate** him!'_ she thought to herself.

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**That voice, by the way, was Sirius' conscience. Heh, I always thought it would sound kind of like Remus…**


	4. Please Be Unpredictably Miserable

**I'm surprising myself, updating this quickly. Perhaps I'll actually finish this one in a couple of weeks.**

**Please review! At the time of writing, I've only gotten one review. Thank you, SeaNymph, by the way!**

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_Please be unpredictably miserable_

Sirius returned to Gryffindor Tower several minutes after Alize dashed off. He glanced around the common room, looking for a sign of her, but she wasn't there. A seductive smile directed at a pretty seventh year got her to tell him that "I haven't seen her all night. Why do you care about her anyway, when prettier girls are right here?" Sirius had brushed her off with a flirtatious smile, but he couldn't help but wonder, himself. The feeling in the pit of his stomach had worsened, and now he was feeling quite sick. He'd never experienced anything like this before, and he didn't know what to do. Peter was nowhere to be found; he'd been disappearing a lot these days and returning looking rather nervous. James was snogging with Lily in a corner. That left Sirius with one option. He sighed and trudged up the stairs—he needed to talk to Remus.

Conveniently for Sirius, Remus was lying on his bed, reading a book. Sirius walked over up and prodded him unceremoniously in the head. Remus slowly and deliberately marked the page in his book, closed it, and replaced it in his dresser before looking at Sirius. "What is it now, Padfoot?" Remus asked with a sigh.

"I need to talk to you, Moony." Remus just shook his head and moved to a sitting position, so that Sirius would have room to sit on the bed. Sirius shot him a relieved glance, before settling at the foot of the bed and leaning up against the bedpost. "Moony, I don't know what's wrong with me. Know how I was having loads of fun bothering Faustine today? Well, I was snogging some Hufflepuff—" Here Remus had to interrupt. "Don't you even know her name?" Sirius suddenly became very interested in the pattern on the blanket. Remus sighed in disappointment and let Sirius continue, knowing that a lecture would be a waste of breath.

"Anyway, I was snogging some Hufflepuff in a broom closet and Faustine comes up. Don't think she knew it was me, but anyway, she opens the door and lets us both know that Filch is coming and if we valued our skins we'd better do something. The stupid girl I was snogging just runs off, and I pull Faustine in with me to make sure she doesn't get caught because warning us was a very decent thing to do, you know? But then Filch hears us talking and bursts in and accuses _us_ of snogging, and he takes us to McGonagall and she gives us detention. But then, and here's the weird thing, as soon as we're away from McGonagall's office, Faustine looks at me like she's about to cry, tells me that she hates me, and runs off. And now I feel like I'm going to be sick and I have absolutely no idea why. Also, just after she ran off, this voice told me that I should have stood up for her and it sounded just like you."

For some reason unknown to Sirius, Remus found this hysterically funny and couldn't stop laughing for at least a couple minutes. When he wiped the tears of laughter out of his eyes, he saw a very offended-looking Sirius in front of him. "Whoo…I'm sorry, Padfoot…But first off, that voice was your conscience. A conscience is basically a voice inside you that tells you what's right and what isn't," he added hastily, seeing Sirius' look of confusion. Remus continued. "The sick feeling is guilt. You feel bad for making her cry, and really, Padfoot, I'm glad you do. You really have treated her horribly for the longest time, and I was wondering if you'd ever feel guilty. Incidentally, did that voice ever tell you to stop when you were bullying Snape, or when you were planning a prank?" Sirius nodded emphatically, and Remus laughed again.

"Anyway, you feel guilty for making her cry, and the only way to make it go away, because I know you're going to ask that next, is to apologize." Remus rolled his eyes at the aghast look on Sirius' face. "Yes, Padfoot, apologize. You have to mean it, too. Apparently, the thought of both having to apologize to someone he disliked, and of having to actually mean it, was just too much for Sirius, who looked at Remus like he was crazy. "Why?" he said, extremely confused. Remus shook his head and threw up his hands. "Padfoot, you're hopeless. You have to apologize because you were wrong—really wrong, apparently, if it was enough to make Alize of all people cry. Secondly, you have to mean it because otherwise there'd be no point in apologizing, now would there? If you want my advice, talk to her at lunch tomorrow, because she's too irritable to listen to you at breakfast."

Sirius scowled at Remus. He looked at his watch, shocked to find that it was only 10 PM. For once, he was tired at a reasonable time. He showered quickly and went to bed, drained from the increasingly horrible sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

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Meanwhile, Alize wasn't having the time of her life either. After she'd had a good cry in the passageway, she stumbled to a loo. Unfortunately for her, she heard a great deal of wailing as soon as she'd entered, and began to curse her bad luck repeatedly. She was on the second floor, and she'd managed to enter the bathroom of Moaning Myrtle. 

Myrtle drifted out, looking curiously at Alize. The two had never met before, but Alize had heard stories from other girls about the perpetually depressed and overly sensitive ghost. Alize, however, was feeling quite sympathetic to her in her current state. Myrtle looked down at Alize. "Been crying, have you? What happened to you, you look like you've been hit by the Whomping Willow." Normally, Alize would have screamed at someone who told her this, but instead Alize walked over towards the sink, talking quietly as she went. "Yeah, a great prat ruined my day."

Myrtle flew down to sit on the sink next to Alize, who was washing her face. "Tell me about it, then, and I'll tell you what's happened to me."

Another hour later, Alize was feeling much better. She and Myrtle had swapped depressing stories, and Alize had gone the longest time in her Hogwarts life without shouting at anyone. As she bid Myrtle a good night and promised to visit her soon, Alize was much less depressed and much more vengeful. Sneaking back to Gryffindor Tower proved uneventful, and when she finally returned to the common room around midnight, there wasn't a soul in there. Alize grinned to herself as she went to bed. She was going to get him, and good.

'_Sure, he's ahead now, but not for long. I'll find the greatest prank ever and show him not to mess with Alize Faustine.'_

**

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I had to include Myrtle. I just had to. It was far too appropriate. **

**Next chapter, you can look forward to Sirius' apology! Yay.**


	5. Please Be Strangely Enigmatic

**And here we are, chapter five already. Just two chapters left to write after this one. I might write a prequel/sequel, if I'm in the mood. I've been looking forward to this chapter for a while, because I get to make the great Sirius Black stumble all over his (extremely sexy) feet for a girl! So, without further ado, the chappie!**

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_Please be strangely enigmatic_

Alize had drifted off to sleep as soon as she'd been able to collapse on her bed. Her dreams were full of doing various unpleasant things to Sirius—well; most of them were, anyway. One was about snogging him, but she dismissed this as an intercepted dream from one of the other girls in her dorm and made a mental note to clean out her dream-catcher later. Alize went through her morning without incident, trying to think of nasty and embarrassing things to do to Black.

However, lunch took her by surprise. As soon as she had finished her meal, and was now merely sitting and nursing a cup of pumpkin juice, Sirius approached her. She pointedly ignored him.

Sirius cleared his throat.

Alize took a sip of her juice.

Sirius tapped his foot and coughed rather loudly.

Alize took another sip, then reached patiently for the pitcher of pumpkin juice, but it was gone before she could get there. She stared exasperatedly up at him, finally deciding to pay attention to him. "_What_, Black? _What_ is it _now_?" she growled. Sirius smirked, having gotten her attention at last. "I have something to say to you. Can I sit down?"

Alize almost laughed, the old jab from mother to child was far too good to pass up. "I don't know, can you?" At Sirius' almost desperate looking stare (which she found quite odd before dismissing it as an optical illusion; Sirius Black was _never_ desperate) she jerked her head. Sirius took this as a yes and collapsed onto the bench.

She slowly rotated her head, her hazel eyes boring a hole into him as she sipped from her newly-refilled cup of juice. He turned red, which she found quite amusing. "Look, Faustine—I mean, Alize, I want to—I'm—Oh sod it. I'm sorry, okay?" She let out a sadistic cackle, then spoke in a sweetly confused tone. "Sorry? Sorry for what?" Under any other circumstances, Sirius would have been furious at the deliberate goading, but the Remus-voice (as he had taken to calling it) told him to hold his tongue and go on. "I'm sorry for ruining your day yesterday. I'm sorry for not standing up for you when McGonagall assumed we were—" and at this he turned a brighter shade of red, so that he now resembled nothing so much as Lily Evans' hair. "Basically, I'm sorry for being a great prat for six and a half years."

This took Alize by surprise. Of everything she'd been expecting, this certainly wasn't it. "Friends?" he asked, so softly that she almost missed it. "Well, Black, this isn't normal for you. Which one of your little friends spiked your drink, and what potion did they use? Or, more likely, what was that bet you lost about?" Sirius looked up at her in disbelief. He was ready to yell that he was sacrificing his pride here and she was baiting him, but the Remus-voice told him in a maddeningly patient tone that if the situation was reversed, he would be saying the same thing. _'Stupid voice, always right,' _he thought grumpily before continuing. "No, Alize, neither. I really mean it. I'm sorry for being a prat and I really want to be friends because you're really nice—well, not to me but that's mostly—well, completely—my fault, and I'm sure you're nice to other people and I just want to be friends and I wish you'd call me Sirius and not Black because the people who call me Black all hate me and I really, really hope you don't hate me because I just figured out that I really, really like you!" he said, all in one breath. After a second, he seemed to realize what he said and rose from the table before running off like a bat out of hell and knocking over Alize's juice.

Alize was shocked speechless, watching the white fabric be stained orange because she was unable to do anything else. If that wasn't genuine, she didn't know what was. Somehow, she knew that he had meant everything he had said. Anyway, the least she could do after he had said all this was forgive him. As she rose to go to her next class, she told herself, _'I'll tell him at dinner.'_

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However, telling Sirius at dinner (or any other time for that matter) proved to be far more difficult than she had anticipated. Obviously embarrassed by what he'd said to her, Sirius was avoiding her like the plague. In classes, he arrived late and sat as far away from her as possible. He didn't attend meals, but somehow was always eating between classes, which Alize found highly suspicious. Finally, on Friday (Sirius had talked to her last on Tuesday); she decided to take matters into her own hands. A few threats later, she had made everyone promise to leave the seats by her empty and to deliberately fill every other seat in Charms, so that Sirius would have to sit by her.

When Sirius filed in, late as usual, a horrified glance crossed his face (akin to the one he'd worn on Tuesday, Alize thought) when he saw he'd have to sit next to Alize. He walked stiffly over to the back of the classroom and sat down next to her, deliberately looking in the other direction. As soon as Flitwick finished talking and told them to practice their advanced levitation charms by themselves, Alize leaned over and hissed "Sirius!" at the boy sitting next to her. Taken aback at being called by his first name, he whirled around and looked at her. For the first time ever, she saw uncertainty in those stormy dark grey eyes.

"Look, about what you said. I certainly don't hate you anymore. How could I, after that apology? I'll try and be friends with you, so long as you try not to be an insufferable prick and charm my hair pink—" Sirius had to grin at this, as did Alize, "and let's just forget you ever said those last…eleven words, if that would make you feel better…?" she suggested. Sirius nodded gratefully, and Alize smiled at him. "But you'll have to tell me where you're getting all that bloody food, darling, because I tend to get hungry at three in the morning," she said briskly, turning to her feather and waving her wand in odd shapes in a valiant attempt to make the feather pirouette around the room. Unfortunately, the shape was exactly wrong, and Alize's wand did the pirouetting instead.

* * *

After a couple of weeks, Alize and Sirius were wondering why they hadn't been friends before. They called one another 'dear' and 'darling', teasing each other as always. They complimented one another almost as well as Sirius and James did, and privately Sirius told Alize that he had been feeling a bit lonely ever since James had become addicted to Lily, and so was quite glad that she had come along. Alize had laughed uproariously at this, as he had known she would, because they both knew exactly what she would say next: "Why are you talking about Lily as if she were some illegal substance, dear? And anyway, do you mean to say you want to become addicted to me, darling?"

They both knew that Sirius would answer this with a seductive smirk and a wink, and that Alize would hit him, and that they would go on about their daily lives. For once in his life, Sirius' Remus-voice was happy, and it was hardly chastising him anymore.

Alize, however, was not having the same peace with her little voices. In fact, two of them were arguing—the sensible one that she had control over, and the frustratingly gushy one that she didn't. The more time she spent with Sirius, the more the gushy voice went on and on about his silky soft hair and his stormy grey eyes and his muscular physique. At first, the sensible voice had been able to shoot holes in the other's arguments (usually with statements like "How do you know his hair is soft, you've never felt it!"), but lately, the sensible voice was running out of arguments.

Theicing on the cakecame one particularly boring Saturday when Sirius had decided he might look fetching in braided pigtails, and he pleaded Alize to do his hair. At first, she'd refused, but then _he'd_ gotten hold of a lock of _her_ hair, and refused to let go unless she did his hair. She had complied, and the gushy voice had been right, his hair was soft.

After she was done laughing at how he looked, she said, "Merlin's beard, though, Sirius dear, your hair is soft. What shampoo do you use, darling? My hair isn't even that soft, and I'm a bloody girl!" Sirius had found this highly amusing, but them a frown settled across his face. "Come on, now, I'm sure your hair is softer than mine, dearest. After all, as you so eloquently put it, you are a 'bloody girl'." Alize challenged this, and so Sirius grabbed her shoulders and whirled her around, so that her back was to him. He began to run his hands through her hair.

Alize stiffened instinctively. The gushy voice has swooned, and the rational voice was panicking. _'SiriushandsinmyhairfeelsgoodwhatamitalkingaboutImustbecrazyormaybeinlove? WheredidthatcomefromwhyamIthinkingaboutmymateliketha—_'

And then, both voices were suddenly silent as Sirius began to massage her back. "Lying wench, your hair is far softer than mine. Relax, darling, you're ever so tense." Seeing as she couldn't speak to protest, she complied.

**

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I don't know. Does that count as a cliffhanger? And especially, does that count when I'm going to post the next chapter and this one at the same time? Probably not. Oh well…**


	6. I Think I Love You

**And here we are with the last official chapter of the story! Anyone who's been paying attention would know that I've been planning seven chapters. **

**Hah! Had you worried, huh?**

**(cricket chirps)**

**Guess not. On with the story…**

* * *

(Flashback)

And then, both voices were suddenly silent as Sirius began to massage her back. "Lying wench, your hair is far softer than mine. Relax, darling, you're ever so tense." Seeing as she couldn't speak to protest, she complied.

(End Flashback)

* * *

_You finish my sentences I think I love you_

Alize's was speechless. Sirius was giving her a back massage. Sirius. Was giving _her_. A back massage. No matter how she put it, it was still…surprising, to say the least, considering their relationship a month ago.

Alize could hardly believe that a month ago, she had hated every fiber of Sirius' being. Now, he was her best mate, without a doubt. And, a sly voice at the back of her newly-operational mind reminded her, he was massaging her back, and she was liking it.

When Sirius finished, after about five minutes, Alize pouted at him. An arrogant smirk covered his face. "That good, hmm? You haven't lived till you've experienced one of my miracle massages." Alize's pout turned into a sly smile, that had the barest hint of seduction in it.

"My turn, dearest."

Now it was Sirius' turn to be speechless. For a girl, she had the strongest hands he'd ever…felt. Not that he'd had that many back massages, but…Alize leaned over his shoulder and whispered in his ear softly. "Relax, darling, you're ever so tense," she teased. Sirius turned pink. Alize adored teasing him, because he was so cute when he blushed. Wait—where had that come from?

Alize shook her head, clearing it of these disturbing thoughts. She continued to massage his (_'Rather muscular' 'Shut up!'_) back for about another minute. She scooted her chair so that she was next to him. Sirius stared at her, as if seeing her for the first time. She giggled. "Haven't lived until you've experienced one of my miracle massages, dearest."

Sirius just laughed, as did she. When they finished laughing, there was a moment of silence, before Sirius grabbed her and kissed her quite firmly.

Healways hadbeen famous for his spontaneity.

Alize's last rational thought had been of both voices screaming at her to close her eyes, which of course she had. Fire shot through her veins as soon their lips touched. Far too soon, or at least Alize thought so, Sirius pulled away. "Oh Merlin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, you just looked so bloody gorgeous when you were laughing and I—Aagh." He tried to run his hand through his hair, but failed when he met the braids. Alize giggled, and smacked his hand lightly. "Shut up and kiss me again, you sodding prat." Sirius turned to stare at her in disbelief, but she was all but tapping her foot, obviously completely serious.

Sirius just shrugged at his good fortune and did as he was told for once.

He'd always been a good boy on the inside.

When they broke apart (and this time it was due tolack of oxygen), Alize looked at Sirius. "I love you, darling." Sirius smiled. "I know," he replied before pecking her on the lips. "I love you too." "I know," she teased, kissing him again.

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**End! Well, sort of. The epilogue is still to come.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	7. I Love The Way You Press My Buttons

**Ahh, finally the epilogue! Sorry I haven't updated in the last couple of days—it's all Christmas' fault! Hah. Anyway, this takes place at the end of seventh year, more specifically on graduation day. Review responses are at the end of the chappie.**

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_I love the way you press my buttons _

_So much sometimes I could strangle you_

All the seventh years, whether they were from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin, looked the same today. They all wore uniform dress robes, passed out by the school. These robes were all dark purple silk, exactly matching the wizard hats they all wore. They were also horsing around as they waited for Professor McGonagall to tell them to line up for the ceremony.

Alize was chasing Sirius around, brandishing her wand. He had stolen her hat, and was trying to get away. Alize was still the same height he was, but he was faster than she was (blame Quidditch reflexes). An evil smirk crossed her face as an idea came to mind, and she leaned over and kissed him. Sirius quickly stopped resisting, and Alize snatched the hat away as soon as possible. She replaced in on her head and gave him a triumphant smirk. Sirius pouted. "But, it looks so stupid, darling! I was doing you a favor!"

Alize shook her head, her smirk becoming a grin. "Honestly, Sirius, darling, you are insufferable," she teased, before kissing him. When they broke apart, Sirius grinned cheekily and slung an arm around her shoulder. "Insufferable, eh? I can live with that." Alize giggled.

Alize and Sirius had been a couple for a wonderful six months. A six months that included ups as astounding as Sirius actually managing to execute a perfect Valentine's Day in February, and lows as hysterical as each forgetting the other's birthday (which, coincidentally, fell within one week of each other) in April.

Professor McGonagall happened to enter the room at that moment, beckoning everyone to assemble on the magical platform outside. Sirius extended his arm, in the old-fashioned gesture of gentlemen. "Shall we go, my princess?" he said in an exaggerated deep voice. Alize took his arm and simpered in an uncharacteristically high voice, "But of course, my prince."

And they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

Well, actually it was midday. So there was no sunset.

Also, they only lived happily for a few months before Sirius decided to push her away to try and save her, a supremely stupid move on his part because he knew as well as anyone that she could handle herself.

Alize was confused and heart broken, convinced Sirius was cheating on her, and Sirius was also heartbroken, but feeling that he did the right thing. He managed to silence the Remus-voice on that particular topic.

So, they rode off into the midday light and lived happily for a few months, before splitting up to go to Azkaban/disappear and never be heard from again.

Really doesn't have the same ring to it, though, does it?

Probably because there was no white horse.

_fin_

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**I'd have to say that that ending was the most random thing I've written on this story. Thank you all for reading it! Review responses (to those reviews received as of 12/25/05) are below.**

**Rabid Tree**: Thanks! Yeah, I know, professions of love aren't really Siri's style. I blame it on the Remus-voice.

**Out Of Luck**: Thank you! They're all song quotes, you know. This is basically one really drawn-out songfic.

**Irite4uall**: Thanks! DAHLING! Whee. Yes. Sirius rocks. Also, he did not die. I know because he's tied up on this chair next to me!  
**Sirius**: (mmph!)

**Julieslene**: Bleh, you spelled it wrong. It's Juleslene, smartness. Can you even pronounce that? Thanks, and also thanks for reviewing Masks. I did like the name on Masks, and as far as Alize resembling you...(innocent whistle) (for those who don't know, Julieslene is my IRL best friend. Fwee!)


End file.
